August 15

Wet Sand

Y’all.

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary.

The symbolic present for this one was “steel”, so we made a joke about replacing our shower faucet.  Being brushed steel and all.

Knobby tired of me debating five different ones that I would order, so he rushed us to a big box store to make me pick out one that was in-stock.  Which . . . it wasn’t the most beautiful thing in the world, but as I looked it over as we unpackaged it, I thought . . . really . . . I put all that stress into picking a perfect faucet, and look, this one is just FINE.  It’s a faucet, you shouldn’t nitpick over details so much, woman.

We dallied around . . . Saturday after bringing the faucet home, Knobby realized he needed some saw blade or drill bit that was a different size than anything else he had.  So Sunday saw him BACK at the big box home improvement store.  Then we sat around wasting time for a while until he decided that he’d get started on the faucet install.

This was about 6:30 on Sunday evening.

He had to cut out a section of paneling because the access box didn’t allow him high enough reach . . . and then he asked me to pry off the old handles while he went downstairs in search of some tool or whatever.  The screws had been taken out, but the handles were still stuck, so I took a hammer and started trying to pry the thin metal open with the claw.

Knobby had warned me that I needed to be careful b/c we weren’t taking down the tile . . . just plugging and caulking the holes until we were ready to re-tile the whole shower.  And that was no time soon, so . . . careful.  I was SO! careful!

Which is why it was so confusing when the wall sunk.

. . . huh . . .

. . . wha? . . .

. . . no, I didn’t just see that . . .

But yes, I did.  I surely did.

I stretched out my finger and gingerly prodded a different portion of the tile . . . and it moved.

I backed away, put the hammer down, and sat on the top step to wait for Knobby to come up there.  Like a child waiting for their punishment “when your FATHER GETS HOME, young lady”.

And, OF COURSE, he gave me an incredulous look of “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????” and then went to see if I was just overdramatizing as I tend to do.

Nope.

For once.  ONCE!  Not I.

The tiles had begun to fall into the bathtub, and with soppy chunks of drywall.  Touching the tile at that point was more like pushing on wet sand.

Knobby had gone around into the closet, pulled the pink insulation out . . . which was also wet . . . it had gone from being pink cotton candy to . . . matted wet dog fur clumps.  Behind that, the paper left from the drywall . . . completely absolutely covered in black mold.

Everything had black mold.  The tiles, the drywall paper . . . it’s all mold.

We freaked out . . . as you do when a wall in your house just FALLS APART . . . and raced to the big box home improvement store once again, to throw drywall boards onto a cart and haul them home with the help of my parents and their dump truck.

Silly, silly children that we were . . . we thought we had the situation under control.

As much as you can, really, when walls are wet sand.  We thought “ok, now I guess we will get new drywall hanging experience”.  We unloaded the boards into the garage so that they wouldn’t be sitting in the kitchen/hallway/closet for as long as it would take us to take down the rest of the tub surround.

THEN.

We went inside, changed out of our soaked sweaty clothes (panic, effort of carrying the drywall boards, The South), had a cold drink, and once we felt normal again, we investigated some more.

And found that the subfloor underneath the tub is soggy, too.  And that there is a gigantic ant nest back there, thriving off all the water that has been soaking and molding our house for who knows HOW long.

And you know how I laughed — didn’t I?  A few posts back? — about how I had reached my Tom-Hanks-laughing-like-crazy-when-the-tub-fell-through-the-floor-in-TheMoneyPit??

Well, apparently . . . I was uncomfortably close to MY tub REALLY FALLING THROUGH THE FLOOR TOO.

Especially with all the baths I’ve been taking recently.

—–

“Happy Anniversary, your present is a SURPRISE BATHROOM REMODEL!”

Yay.  Yay?

Oy.

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Posted on Monday, August 15th, 2016 at 11:15 pm. Housewife, MimiHouse.